The Culture of the Family

Culture. What is it? Does it merely come from where you live? Is it just what ethnicity you are? Or does it go deeper than that? I venture to say it does. Culture in a community stems from culture in the home.

Every family has a different culture. The culture is based on many various aspects, including recreation, discipline, rules (those spoken and those unspoken). Other deciding factors include traditions, what we say, what we believe, etc. 

For example, my family culture was based on closeness and our religion. We have always told each other almost everything. Growing up I always felt supported. I felt that I could rely heavily on those in my family who were strong when I was not. When any of my family members had a hard time, they could rely on the rest of us to get them through. Our faith gave us the ability to help each other in times of trouble. Belief plays a huge role in how families behave and associate with each other. 

Family culture can be centered on what the family does as recreation and hobbies as well. For instance, a family whose children participate in ballroom dance, is often referred to as a “dance family”. Their time and energy goes into practicing, going to competitions, watching and analyzing their recordings, etc. Their relaxation time is often based on what will help them be better at dancing. frequently they do not eat as poorly because they want to stay fit. This all contributes to their family culture and dynamic.  

You see, culture can be a really good thing. It can provide a sense of unity and happiness. It can yield a sense of completion and tranquility. But culture isn’t always good. In fact, it can be pretty bad. 

Culture can affect a family's ability to move on from destructive behavior. For example, it is much more likely for a family member who is abused to be abusive in return. If your family lives in poverty, it is very possible that you will continue that family culture and trend. If addiction is part of a family culture, odds are that the children will continue that addictive behavior. Those are extreme cases. There are other patterns, not as blatantly harmful, that are still not a healthy dynamic.

For instance, in my family, sarcasm runs deep. We know when sarcasm is not appropriate for the most part, but sometimes, through misunderstandings, feelings have been hurt because of that sarcasm. On occasion we take it too far. Sarcasm, when taken too far, leads to passive aggressive communication. That is not healthy. 

Many people resign themselves to the fact that this is just how their families are. These bad habits, whether extreme or not, are just the way of life.

But that does NOT have to be the case. Change CAN happen. It happens all the time. Change starts with you. If there is a culture in your family that is not healthy, it is up to you to be the one to stop that trend. It may be difficult, but it is possible. 

Start by intentionally thinking about how to change the undesirable culture. Make a plan to stop it. And then implement that plan. I would not be surprised to learn that after a change is started in you, you will see other family members jump on board. 

You get to choose what your future (or current) family’s culture will be. What will you implement from your family that you really love? What do you feel like you need to change about your family to make it healthier? 

What culture in the family are you going to promote? Be careful what your answer is because your family culture spreads to the community, and ultimately the world. And it all starts with you.