New Family: New Boundaries

As a child I loved to hang out with my sisters. I was the youngest of seven and the last four were girls two years apart each. We would play fairies, and each of us would choose a flavor of Jolly Ranchers to signify what type of fairy we were. Mine was cherry. I remember that time with great fondness. As we have grown, we have only gotten closer. My sisters are not the only family members I am close to. My entire family has close relationships. This is not a bad thing, of course!

But as I grew up I saw my siblings one by one turn slightly away from the family and towards a significant other. I saw them get married, and I saw them leave (as it were) out of my life. I no longer had as close contact with them. I started to feel slightly awkward around them because there was always a second person to be around. I thought it was really weird… Until one day…

I started dating Spencer, and it all started to make sense. At the same time I started learning about how to produce and maintain a healthy relationship. I realized that by no means was my family members abandoning their family like it seemed in my young childish eyes. They were bringing another aspect into the family. They were opening a new chapter in the life of the family. And that was okay!

There can be a balance when you are dating and getting serious with someone. It is so important that the person with whom you plan to spend your life and possibly your eternity is close to your family. See how they interact with each other. Are they awkward? Are things tense? Do they fall easily into conversation? As many people have said, you don’t just marry the person. You marry their family as well. This is exciting! They have the potential to become just as close to you as your own family.

But there is something that needs to be taken into consideration. When marriage gets hard (which it inevitably will) if you have not let go of your own family, they are who you will desire to go to with your problems. If you are not careful, you could end up sharing too much with your family. Problems as well as good times in your marriage need to be shared with your spouse. If not, your marriage could get into trouble.

Therefore, boundaries need to be made. I would be okay spending all my time with my family. Infact, I never had many friends because I never wanted to be away from my family. When you get married, however, your spouse becomes your family. You need to start acting like he/she is the most important and top priority to you, and even if they aren't, they soon will become so. This helps your marriage thrive. Make sure that you are putting a limit on the amount of time spent with in-laws and extended family.

I am not trying to suggest that you shun them all together. In fact, I believe that family support is one of the greatest God-given blessings. I also think that people can overdo boundaries. This can cause a lot of contention in marriage. There needs to be a balance. It needs to be set with both people on board. There cannot be compromise. You must agree. It is an essential aspect of marriage to discuss.

Family is beautiful. It is a wonderful thing to have a strong support system. Just make sure that when you start your own family, you start it, and you devote your time to it. Set those boundaries that you and your spouse have come up with together, and you will have a better and more full relationship.