Are You Really Dating Someone?

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"Hello, sir. Is your daughter at home by chance."

"Yes. Who is this?"

"This is John. I'm in Katie's grade at school."

"...Okay John. Let me get her for you."

John's heartbeat relaxed a little.

"Hello?" came Katie's sweet voice.

"Hi Katie!" you could hear his slight sigh of relief to be on the phone with Katie rather than her father. "I was just calling to ask you if you want to go to a movie with me this Saturday night?"

"Sure! What's playing?"


This dialog used to be the norm of dating. Before technology created a comfort zone in the form of texting, people had to have face to face, or over the phone, conversation. With the change in technology came the change in the culture of dating. With an increase in texting there was a decrease in people skills. It started with boys texting instead of calling to ask girls on dates. Then notice became shorter and shorter. Today guys text, or maybe snapchat, and say "Hey, what are you doing tonight? Wanna hang out?"

Hanging out as friends isn't necessarily bad. But it has replaced dating which is proving to be more harmful than helpful.

Many people are under the impression that “hanging out” helps the potential partners see each other in a different setting. While this may be true, there have been many studies that suggest current dating trends actually correlate to higher divorce rates.

Traditional dating methods helped friendships form between the two people. The two people were able to experience different kinds of situations together and see how the other would react on a one on one basis. They were able to converse in a way that caused connection and attachment.

As a leader from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Dallin H. Oaks, said in his address entitled “Dating Versus Hanging out,” dating is characterized by three pieces. It has to be 1. Planned ahead, 2. Paid for, and 3. Paired off. These characteristics, when incorporated, prove to be a huge benefit to the individuals regarding preparation for marriage.




Recently I had a discussion with a group of classmates about this topic. We discussed why it is better to go on dates than it is to casually hang out. We discussed how planning ahead for the men was similar to and eventually led to the ability to lead a family with the help of the wife. Paying for the date was obviously similar to providing for a family. And pairing off on a date was a way to protect each other. The three aspects of dating help prepare for marriage. They harbor a safe environment to practice roles of the family in a non-committal situation.

In addition, Replacing dating with casual hanging out is not going to help you get to know people, especially one that you are considering marrying. Hanging out as a group lets you see someone in a group setting. How would they act one on one? They will open up more if the setting is one on one. You will be able to get more insight into their minds and hearts.

Try it. You might be surprised at how much better relationships are with potential partners if you implement traditional dating into your life.

Another trend of dating is that once you start “dating” someone, you stop dating them. In other words, many people stop going on planned and paid for dates once they start exclusively seeing each other. This completely stunts the "getting to know" you portion of dating. It is crucial to continue to date and do fun and exciting new things together.

As a society we need to implement dating into our culture again. Dating the correct way can lead to better families and in turn lead to better societies.


Everyone wants better relationships. This is a way to start. Whether you are dating around with lots of different people, exclusively dating someone, or married, going on dates the “old-fashioned” or traditional way will benefit you in your relationships.



Elder Dallin H. OaksOf the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. (n.d.). Dating versus hanging out. Retrieved May 29, 2021, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2006/06/dating-versus-hanging-out?lang=eng

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