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Blended Together

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Divorce is prevalent. It is a fact in this world. I wish it weren’t but the fact is that it happens a lot. Most of the time it is unnecessary. Sometimes it is necessary. The point is that it is a reality that there will be blended families. Those can be really hard. What is a blended family? An untraditional or blended family includes anything that is not the traditional biological mother, father, and children in the household. That includes step siblings and step parents. That also can include adopted children. Basically when there is a loss or an addition, most typically caused by divorce and remarriage, the family dynamic changes and adjustments have to be made which can be really difficult. I want to focus on the blended family. This means what is left after parents divorce and one parent gets remarried. It can be very difficult if it isn’t done correctly. There are a few suggestions that were made to me by a family therapist professional I was talking to recently. He said that th...
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Clipping My Fingernails

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“Come here, Attack, I need to clip your fingernails.” My dad used to call me “Attack,” short for “Jack-Attack.” I thought it was so great. I remember my dad clipping my fingernails a lot when I was little. He would always say, “Whew! We need to clip your fingernails, girl!” It was a good time to talk together too. That seems like a silly memory, but it applies to the topic I will discuss today, and I’ll tell you why. Contact. There are many different ways of contact. There is making contact with someone else physically, whether that be a hug, a kiss, or a friendly pat on the shoulder. Another contact is through conversation, making contact with someone’s heart. When people are vulnerable and open up to each other in conversation they make contact with each others’ hearts. Whatever form of contact we are talking about, it means more to others than people think, especially children. Here is where my story ties in. Children need positive physical contact so much more than we realize. Som...
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Fatherhood

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I want to take a minute to talk about fathers. All about fathers. It is applicable because of recent events in politics. It is also applicable because it was recently Father’s Day. This topic makes me sad. It makes me sad because of the push against the traditional family. This includes a mother, a father, and children. A lot of people, in recent times, have decided that fathers are not necessary in the home. There is a push for the idea that women do not need men. The push seems to continue to include children. This is false. If you simply research different studies, you can instantly find statistics that prove this wrong. This includes that many, if not most of the people in prison came from a home with no father. You will find that there is a ginormous increase in the rates of suicide and drug use when there is no father in the home. This is simply scratching the surface. To find studies on this topic, you can go to fatherhood.gov. You can also go to fatherhood.org. Specifically, f...
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It's All About Communication

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I had a conversation once with a potential partner of mine. He was politely trying to ask me about the marriage class I was taking at the time. Not knowing how to sum up everything I was learning I simply told him, “It’s all about communication.” We both laughed and continued walking through campus. He said “That’s it, huh? That’s all you have to do to have a good marriage?” At the time I was not convinced, but I didn’t want to take the time to explain everything I was learning. So, I just said “pretty much.” Today I realized that I did not know how correct I was in that very watered down summarization of a marriage class. It IS all about communication. So many people ruin relationships (both romantic and otherwise) because of miscommunication. You can see it with other people very clearly, but it is harder to see it in yourself and your conversations with people. So often, we assign motives, we make assumptions, and we unnecessarily get angry and upset. Communication is a tool that i...
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Intentional Reactions

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The death of a loved one. Adjusting to a new job. Adjusting to married life. Or adjusting to anything new. These and many many other factors count as stressors in family life. We all have stressors in our families. It is no new thing. Do you have events that happened that were unexpected? Maybe they were even expected. These stressors often change the dynamic of the family. Sometimes for the best or sometimes for the worst. As I talked this week to peers and professionals about this very topic we talked about the importance of choosing how we respond. Do we turn towards our family and make it a bonder and a familial relationship enhancer? Or do we turn away and make it a family destroyer? Many years ago a close acquaintance of mine (I will call him Steve) decided that he and his wife (I will call her Jan) were going to get a divorce because of stressors that were unforeseen and really difficult. They fell on financially hard times. He had started a business that tanked, and he was stil...
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The Fragile Gift

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  “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 Many people are familiar with the Bible. Whether or not you agree with/believe in the Bible, most people would say and agree that it is important to cleave unto your spouse. The next line, however, is a very interesting one. “And they shall be one flesh.” Now, this may have some symbolic meaning as well. It could mean that the husband and wife are supposed to be one in purpose and feeling. They are supposed to be one unit. But I think we can also agree that it can also mean literally. Physical intimacy in marriage has always stressed me out a little as it does for many people no doubt. But there is no need to be afraid. It is a beautiful God-given system meant for (among other things) the procreation of children.  Part of cleaving to your spouse to share this beautiful experience with them. It is important, therefore, to be very careful not to sp...
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New Family: New Boundaries

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As a child I loved to hang out with my sisters. I was the youngest of seven and the last four were girls two years apart each. We would play fairies, and each of us would choose a flavor of Jolly Ranchers to signify what type of fairy we were. Mine was cherry. I remember that time with great fondness. As we have grown, we have only gotten closer. My sisters are not the only family members I am close to. My entire family has close relationships. This is not a bad thing, of course! But as I grew up I saw my siblings one by one turn slightly away from the family and towards a significant other. I saw them get married, and I saw them leave (as it were) out of my life. I no longer had as close contact with them. I started to feel slightly awkward around them because there was always a second person to be around. I thought it was really weird… Until one day… I started dating Spencer, and it all started to make sense. At the same time I started learning about how to produce and maintain a he...
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